How to Own A Pet

Ralph wants to go Trick-or-Treating.

That’s Ralph, I found him at a shelter. I recently visited the Maricopa County Animal Control Center. A few things were clear to me: people don’t know how to own a pet. Here are the three main things you need to do:

1. Look in the mirror. Are you an asshole? Then don’t get a pet. Do you have any idea how many Pit Bull mixes are in county custody? Dogs are not for protection. Oddly, it is always the guys who think they are “tough” who own animals for that reason.

2. Spay/Neuter your pet. Your cheap lazy ass is the reason so many dogs are put down in this country.

3. Buy a dog tag – you may never see your dog again if you don’t put a tag on it. Imagine your family pet put down because you were unable to find it in the bureaucracy of the shelter system.

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