Food & Drink

Thug Kitchen

Thug Kitchen knocks the freckles off Bobby Flay. Check it out:


“You know how you lied and said that you’d actually bring something to the party this time? FUCKING DO IT. Did someone else bring a pasta salad? Throw that shit away because it doesn’t even hold a candle to what you just brought to the table. That zesty Italian dressing shit is played out.


½ cup of each herb: chopped green onions, cilantro, dill, and parsley (feel free to swap these around for whatever you’ve got. Shit, toss basil in the mix and it would be just as awesome)

4-5 cloves of garlic all chopped up (I fucking love garlic so adjust according to your tastes)

6 tablespoons sherry vinegar (red wine vinegar or even rice vinegar could work here if that’s what you got)

4 tablespoons olive oil

½ teaspoon lemon zest (calm the fuck down, just grate the skin of the lemon on the smallest side of your grater)

¼ teaspoon salt

1 pound of pasta (whole wheat, quinoa, brown rice, whatever you like)

1 crown of broccoli

3 medium-sized tomatoes

2 ears of raw corn

pepper to taste

Throw all the herbs, garlic, vinegar, oil, lemon zest, and salt in a food processor and blend until it is all chopped up and looks like a sauce. Don’t fucking give up if you don’t own a food processor. Just chop up all that shit extra tiny and mix it together in a glass. Done.

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the package. Simple shit. While the pasta cooks, cut up the broccoli into bite-sized pieces. You should get around 3-4 cups. In the last 2 minutes of boiling the pasta, throw the broccoli in there. No need to cook those sons of bitches separately. After 1-2 minutes drain the pot, then run cold water over all of it to cool that shit down and keep the broccoli looking bright green. The broccoli should be cooked but still a little crisp.

Cut the raw corn off the cob and chop up the tomatoes into pieces about the size of a dime. Mix together the pasta, corn, tomatoes, and herb sauce in a big ass bowl. Add as much pepper as you like. Try that shit and see if you need more vinegar, salt, or oil. Your tastes are on you. You can serve this at room temperature but I like to chill the motherfucker in the fridge for a couple hours.

Serves 4-6 people unless some greedy asshole camps out by the table.”

The Bigfoot Pizza

Jim came home with a Bigfoot pizza from Pizza Hut. There were many of us now, my cousins moved in. The Bigfoot was a monster, we were hungry and I was up for a fight for the center slices. 


 It is one of those things you remember from being a kid. Between school, where the pizza was square, and home where the Bigfoot pizza slices were square – I honestly thought pizza was square.


$10.99? The price of pizza hasn’t really changed much. 


Oprah has her favorite things, why can’t I? Right now, I am digging on St-Germain. St-Germain is the first liqueur in the world created in the artisanal French manner from freshly handpicked elderflower blossoms.

Pizza Hut Hates Me

Here is the security question Pizza Hut just asked when I was resetting my password: “How can a photon of light be in 2 places at once?” I couldn’t figure it out even after a web search. What a dick.

Parks Coffee Review

We lost our Keurig coffee machine a couple of months ago in our office. A riot almost ensued. We now have a Parks Coffee machine. Let’s start with the bad, the machine is big and loud. Most of us need to use the strongest brewing setting, “Wilder”, to obtain the same buzz. The brewing rate seems to be a little slower as well.

Here’s the good news, the coffee itself is great. I am a fan of the “Lei It On Me” roast. Everyone is already adjusted to the switch. While the Keurig is great, this is a very good replacement. The machine and coffee are also much less expensive than the Keurig system.

Overall, I am happy with Parks Coffee and I would recommend it.

Stay Away From My Plate

Lily Fischer is Gross from Cupcake Wars

If you have nasty dreadlocks, and all dreadlocks are nasty, stay the fuck out of the kitchen. Hair is one of the dirtiest parts of the human body. You can “wash” dreads, but wash is a loose term with people –  as you can’t give your hair proper scrubbing with a rat’s nest on your noggin.

Krave is Delicious

Krave cereal is composed of little pockets of chocolate, imagine mini Milano cookies. Very tasty I must say.  I detected grains in there somewhere. My endorsement is not paid, but if Kellogg’s wants to make that happen I am down. I was hoping it wouldn’t suck as it costs $4.50 at Fry’s. The name “Krave” is my only complaint, sounds like a cheap Vegas night club.

Real Orange Soda

European Orange Fanta, American Orange Fanta and Orangina. Which one looks the most natural?

Everyone who visits Europe goes through a “compare everything to Europe” phase when they come home. This time I am impressed by orange soda, among other things of course. In Europe they don’t put up with orange soda that contains no juice. I drank 3 or 4 bottles of Orange Fanta because I couldn’t get enough of what American orange soda could be like. You can buy Orangina at Safeway, which is basically the same thing. European Fanta is not sold in the US.

The original formula of Orange Fanta, available in Germany, Austria, and other countries, is completely different from the drink marketed in the United States as Fanta Orange. The original contains orange juice and has a color similar to orange juice, while the version made for the US market is artificially colored red-orange, uses brominated vegetable oil and has no fruit juice.

Related: Real Chocolate Sprinkles

Corporate Social Responsibility

I love beer, wings and sports. So, I naturally follow Buffalo Wild Wings on Facebook among the various other brands in my social media wanderlust. Here’s a Facebook status update BWW should have thought more about before postings:

Buffalo Wild Wings has a legal obligation, when it comes to talking about alcohol, to advocate for responsible drinking. I am playing devil’s advocate here but putting myself in the shoes of BWW. The messages isn’t overtly irresponsible but poorly done.

Dropping a Better Line

If you sail to an island, defeat a giant and scale a mountaintop, Altoids are still stronger than you.

One of my favorite Bloggers posted this picture and asked for better lines. I submitted: “The gravity of Jupiter, super-super glue and diamonds might be strong but Altoids are stronger.” Maybe it isn’t Shakespeare, but I think my copy rocks.


Brunchables are Lunchables for hipsters – “Meals include choices such as eggs benedict with fresh radicchio, kale, couscous, salsa verde and a mimosa pouch, or homemade sorghum granola muesli, organic milk, locally grown elderberries and a mini cerveza.” Thanks to my girlfriend April, for the hot tip.

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