My current girlfriend, April, is clearly doomed. I don’t think she is trying to kill herself but her actions speak loud. I find the hair dryer plugged in most of the time. The tag is clearly a warning.
I honestly try to stay positive on this blog but life keeps popping my popcorn. Adult gummy vitamins! Grow the fuck up America, adults don’t need gummy vitamins. The guy to the right with the shit-eating-grin isn’t me, but the actor getting his gummy on. I am not going to sit back and pretend this is normal. For product reference, VitaCraves are a One A Day line from Bayer.
Not to sound too judgmental, I’ve had a few crackhead friends of my own. I had this friend who liked to call himself “AC13″, he was a white rapper crackhead. He was interested in movies and we started to write a screenplay together. I wrote a treatment and so did he. When it came to sharing our treatments, his was a bunch of hand-written scribbles that made no sense. That was a reality check.
“Just like my grandma used to make, if she wasn’t evil and actually baked cookies instead of pounding Coors lights and chain-smoking Marlboro cigarettes.”
The above is a sign I made. April, who is my girlfriend, baked some cookies for Valentine’s Day. I ate 4 cookies myself and decided to share the rest with my co-workers. Our breakroom is a plethora of free food, so if I wanted the cookies to “sell” I needed a way for them to stand out from the crowd.
When I first heard about “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”, I really hoped the movie was real. Today, the official trailer was released. An axe or hatchet is the weapon of choice for honest Abe. I am looking forward to seeing if the narrative takes place before the Civil War or after. I can foresee a plot where dead Civil War soldiers from the South seek revenge.
Recognize the map above? It is the Facebook connections map on the login page. I’ve been a Facebook member since way back when you had to have an .EDU email address to join. I never really paid much attention to the map. I decided to look at where the head markers are actually placed on the map.
I’ve added country labels under the markers. Notice that China doesn’t have a marker and Japan is the only Asian country. Europe isn’t a country but it is impossible to tell where the marker really sits.
I’ve been watching a lot of Doogie Howser, M.D. lately. I love the show, I watch it at 9pm each nigh on The Hub channel. With that said, I’ve noticed a few things about the journal our kid genius updates each night.
1. Apparently a full paragraph is too much typing for his superior brain. Most journal entries are 2 to 3 sentences. I, like the classy ladies who taught me English like to say – a paragraph is 3 to 4 sentences.
2. Doogie’s WPM is 30, the same as Carl from Sling blade (1996). He doesn’t seem to “hunt and peck” as they like to switch between shots of his face and the monitor. By the way WPM stands for Words Per Minute, a standard in typing tests.
3. We should credit Doogie with composing the first Facebook status update. If they were to remake the show, clearly that is what he is doing at the end of each episode. Example from doogiehowsermd.blogspot.com: “Tonight I did the unthinkable…I acted like a impulsive, crazy, hormonal genius.”
Missed Connections on Craigslist is hilarious. Desperate people post descriptions of moments they had with attractive strangers in hopes they will find the posting. It is better to just post some of these gems instead of explaining them. I will add photos which I think represent the moment conveyed.
Shelby from Texas Roadhouse – m4w – 38
Shelby you served us last night, had steak. What three things happened, do you remember? You took my breath away, I noticed you kept coming back and when you were helping another server you smiled back at me, I’d love to know you. I left you my card, what did it say? let’s talk! – CJ
Fort McDowell Bingo – m4w
Missed my chance to chat with you and at least get your name. We sat a table apart and I could not take my eyes off of you. We had several instances when we glanced at each other. You were with your mom? and I am sorry that I missed my chance to tell you that you are really beautiful. I was wearing the blue hooded sweatshirt.
Wheelchair Guy at Goo Goo Dolls – w4m
You were in jeans and a white long sleeve Tshirt at the Goo Goo Dolls concert last night. You were in a wheelchair and you were with two other guys and I believe a woman. I found you very attractive you caught my eye. I was with my roommate but I didn’t know how to approach you or if you were even aware of me. If you see this ping me lets chat.
If you are one of the people who I am making fun of above, don’t kill me. I am trying to help you find that love of your life who had the unfortunate pleasure of coming into contact with you.
If you leave off the “w” in “Nancy Drew”, you have “Nancy Dre” – a badass white female rapper who’s flows are totally gangsta about solving mysteries. See the movie poster below (see the original poster here):
I contribute my current web wanderlust to dial-up Internet and a lack of neighborhood activities. We had AOL 1.0 growing up on an old Compaq computer. Today we take email for granted, back then there was a level of excitement whenever the “You’ve Got Mail” wave file fired off. In honor of the old days, I’ve set my email notification in Outlook to “You’ve Got Mail” and so can you:
In a bizarre move of self-preservation, the USPS released an ad claiming that Internet billing is dangerous. My love/hate relationship with the United States Postal Service is well documented. The ad and a transcript are below:
“A refrigerator has never been hacked. An online virus has never attacked a corkboard. Give your customers the added feeling of security a printed statement or receipt provides, with mail. It’s good for your business and even better for your customers. For safe and secure ways to stay connected visit USPS.com/mail.”
The following videos are ones that I have recently discovered. I cry myself to sleep thinking there are epic videos slipping past me. This blog features, Man on a Buffalo, The Mad Drummer and others:
“Body-slammed the buffalo for its own good!” Bonus points if you can name the root film.
Don’t judge this video by the first part, it starts a little slow. You might as well skip to the middle where the drummer starts rocking out.
This little dude has a laugh that could cure cancer.
You know you have creative freedom when you get to work with puppets and set scenes in prison. I should be locked up for being awesome. Those prison outfits were custom made.
Puma PUMAGILITY shoes are hot and are the official shoe of my upcoming trip to Europe. I will walk many miles in these bad boys.
Fracture, Sex in the City, Flicka, Stigmata, Final Destination, Nancy Drew, etc. I could go on all day. Trajan is the movie poster font.
Hey! I am James "Jimmyco" Marcus, a 28 year old Copywriter from Phoenix, AZ. This blog is dedicated to my random thoughts.
